Life is Crazy Sometimes

Life is so crazy sometimes. 

But, when I am in college, I feel like life is always crazy. [I am even drinking from a cup right now that says, "THAT'S CRAY"]

My life seems to be pulled in every other direction, all at once.

I am amidst midterms right now, and have been for the last three weeks, and will be for at least one more.

I am nearly dead. I am up every night until at least 12:30 studying for my Accounting test on Friday. Then, I have other classes that need attention, too, after that. 

This is currently my weekly schedule: 

Monday- Work & School 8-7, then FHE from 7-8

Tuesday- Work & School from 9-9

Wednesday- Work & School from 11-7

Thursday- Work & School from 9-5, Temple from 6-9:30

Friday- School from 8-10 

Add on top of that all of the study time that I have for my classes. I literally have a class that has hours [sometimes 4 whole hours] of software to watch before each class, not including studying it or taking the quizzes.

Around 1:30 each day, I hit my breaking point. I become so exhausted that I just need a nap. I can no longer function until I sleep.

Yes, I am a napper now. 

I never thought I would say that, but I am. I love naps. I am still alive because of naps.

I have been fighting a cold for about a month right now, and I am really worried that my mono will come back. I have already had it twice---I do not need it a 3rd time.

My photography has really taken off, too. I have at least 1-2 sessions a week. That is a little insane to add that to my schedule. 

I get beyond frustrated because I feel like I cannot dedicate the time to my photography that I want to. I just want to sit in my room at my desk and edit photos, but I literally do not even have time for that right now.

It is tempting at times to drop out of college and pursue my photography dream full-time. In fact, that whole plan sounds so appealing to me! But I know that I need to be in school right now. Also, I can only keep my current job if I am a BYU student, so that alone is enough to make me want to keep my job. I love my job so much.

Often, I am having to bribe myself to get out of bed in the morning. Then, I am reminded that I am where I need to be, and I am not alone.  

On top of all of this, I am in a situation right now that no other college student is in, and it requires quite a bit of my time. I have no control over what happens or how it happens, but sometimes, my schedule is not mine. Sometimes, I have to drop everything to attend to other things. 

There is a basketball game tonight, and I can't even go to that. Anyone who knows me now knows how bad this is. I don't miss basketball games for ANYTHING. They are my favorite.

Through all of this, more than ever, I have seen the hand of the Lord in my life EVERY DAY. 

I am not even kidding. I am blessed so much. I start to tear up every time that I think about it.

I will wake up feeling so overwhelmed with school and friends and work that I just cannot see myself making it through the day, but then I walk into a class and the teacher will cancel the following class, or an assignment will be moved. I know that the Lord is aware of me and my needs, and he is blessing me sooooooo much. I don't even know how else to say it. I am so blessed. I have had classes and assignments cancelled each week, and they all come at the perfect times. Basically, anyone who wants class cancelled a lot should just take the same schedule as me.

Anyways, that was a bunch of random thoughts that just came out of nowhere, but I wanted to vent. My blog has also been lacking a ton, and I hate that so much. Blogging is one of my favorite things to do, and so therapeutic for me.

But for now, if anyone needs me, I will be studying for my Accounting test and drinking my lactose free chocolate milk.